Feb 18th: Results from PET scan:

The two lesions in my lungs have NOT grown in the last 6 weeks and there were no active lesions found in the abdomen, pelvis, neck, bones etc. Blood work was fine too and no tumor markers were found.

They offered me the option of doing a biopsy to be a 100% sure about the tissue, but between the radiologist being pretty sure it was not cancer and the oncologist preferring not to do a biopsy because of possible lung collapse, we have opted for another PET scan in 8 weeks (mid April).

I know I have to be monitored for several years to come since there is always the chance it comes back in the affected area (5%) in the right testicle (15%) or somewhere else (10-15%) but I would say for now I have gotten the best news I could possibly get.

I am kind of emotionally messed up right now though. I was mentally preparing for a fight equal to 12 rounds with a Mike Tyson on crack and now I have a hard time relaxing and feeling good. One of the reasons for my worry was that the urologist had never removed a tumor my size (2 1/2 inches diameter) and not see it spread anywhere else. The oncologist confirmed this. So I was expecting chemo and everything.

Peace will come as it sinks in completely, I guess. I have lost family members and a very, very dear friend to cancer (God, she fought like hell. 22 years later it still brings tears to my eyes to have seen someone so utterly beautiful waste away, appear to be winning, and then waste away again to eventually lose that fight) and those are hard thoughts to let go.

Man this is a mind trip. They think it isn't cancer but they are not sure. For now I am going to see this as good news. If it does come back, I am prepared for it mentally and emotionally.

I have told my kids that so far so good but we will not know for sure if Dad is not still sick for at least 6 months.

That's OK they say, they take what they can get :)

I am Blessed with my sons, did I tell you guys that already?

February 6th. PET Scan.

I was instructed not to eat for 6 hours preceding. Should have done this in the a.m. but it is a 2 ½ hour process and I needed to go to work so the appointment was set at 4 p.m.

Interesting procedure. After they take a bit of my blood and find my blood sugar is low enough (I am frakking starving by now of course) the technician comes in with a lead encapsulated box which holds a lead encapsulated syringe.

This syringe holds radioactive sugar and as he injects me with the sugar he explains that cancer likes sugar en that the sugar will attach itself to cancerous cells and since it is radioactive it will show up nicely in the screen.

I have to sit perfectly still for another 45 minutes though because movement will improve the uptake of the sugar in the muscles and he does not want that. No TV, no book. Nap time I guess. Too hungry though. Next time I go in the morning!

After 45 minutes I get wheeled into the room and get to lie on a thin bed. Since I am a rather large fellow I need to keep my arms stretched out overhead. The CAT scan was done fast but this is a very slow process.

The machine starts to scan you from the base of the skull and will go down to the legs. I ever so slowly slide out of the machine and 30 minutes later I can move my arms to my chest. Wonderful. How many times a year do I have to do this?

The results will be made available after 48 hours he says. He looks tired. At least that's what I tell myself. I hope it is not worry I am seeing.

I am still waiting to hear back.

January 28th. Oncologist visit. Bit of a shock is coming.

Oncologist is a great guy, young, my age I think. He took time to explain that I actually had/have two forms of cancer, the common one and a rare one and that the two lesions in my lungs need to be monitored. For the next 6 years I need to come back every two months and give blood and do either a CAT scan or a PET scan.

The shocked look on my face made him get up and close the door. He gave me some time to collect my thoughts. Shit, I feel fine. I even went back to work. I need to come here every two months? And what the hell is a PET scan?

We talk a bit more and he asks me if I did steroids. I thank him for the compliment but said no. I did tell him I had used pro-hormones in the past and asked him if that could have caused this? He said it was unlikely but that now my sex hormonal system has been affected; I cannot use anything for at least the 6 years he is going to treat me.

It could cause it to come back in the other testicles. There is a 5% change the area they took the testicle out of will have cancer again and a 15% chance it might come back in the other one. Steroids or not.

I had thought about it because I had lost 22lbs already since the operation and I thought it might help when going on chemo.

BUT: No chemo yet, he said. The lesions in my lungs are not large enough to do that yet. Let's check what the PET scan offers.

Heck, this tissue might not grow, ever. We do not know, we need to monitor you. We talk a bit, I give 10 more vials of blood and off I go.

Sweet mother of pearl, 6 times a year. I am not sure what I was thinking though.

I have cancer. They took an enormous tumor out of my body. I lost my testicle. What, I was going to take some whey protein and be fine? Wait till I am in excruciating pain somewhere else? Damn. Now I am going to be reminded of this crap every two months. And what the hell is a PET scan? I forgot to ask. Moron is right.

Friday, January 16th. Get a phone call.

"Marc, can you come in on Monday to talk to the doctor?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, I can be there at 9 a.m."

Shoot, that's not good. I know I can call him over the weekend but I do not.

Monday, January 19th. CAT scan results.

"Marc, the good news is that you are clear in the area where we removed the tumor and that's great"
"And the bad?"

"You have two spots in your lungs and I need to refer you to an oncologist, sorry. Marc, no matter what this is, we are going to cure you. We are right there at the beginning and you are strong and healthy. With men like you we approach 100% cure rate. We are going to get you through this. I am going to get these results to the oncologist and they will contact you for an appointment. You will be fine, I promise"

Odd, I am very calm and not scared. I guess I believe him.

Thursday, January 15th is the day I did the CAT scan.

The days leading up to this one were filled with pain but nothing I couldn't manage. Did not go to work of course but was able to drive quite well so bringing the kids to school and picking them up was no problem. You are not allowed to drive for 48 hours but well, I guess there was still enough Testosterone in my to do what I needed to do anyway.

I wanted, needed, that time with my kids. They need to see me smile and give them a kiss and a hug. Normalcy is the best thing for them now.

11 a.m. Urologist informs me I am negative for tumor markers and that is good news. He removed an enormous tumor, he says. He also mentions that mormally it has spread to the neighboring area with a tumor that size and now it did not. He was very happy with this. It certainly made me feel better.

He explains to me that nothing really changes and that my glands and the one testicle can compensate for the loss. He can see I lift weights and he says that in 6-8 weeks I should be back to normal. HOWEVER, we need to check if there is more cancer and we need to do a CAT scan. Let?s go get that over with.

Noon. CAT scan. Technician injects me with solution and gets me in the machine. Few minutes later I am done. 48 hours to get the results.

Funny episode on day of surgery.

Somebody read what my little boy said in one one of my last posts:

"Daddy, you're my best friend and you have pain where your penis is, what can I do?" He says.

And responded:

Damn, laughing and crying at the same time is an unusual sensation.

Thanks for writing your story. You write humorously (for such a serious situation) and I suspect many will also find this educational. I know I have, thanks.

My response:

Thanks man, I was laughing and crying at the same time myself. It came out so sincere too.

Another funny thing appened when I was ready to leave. You'll get a kick out of this.

A female volunteer, about 55 years old I'd say, put my in a wheelchair and brought me to the car access area. While she helped me get up so I could get in my wife's car she puts her hand on my back and a second later goes:"hmm, muscles". I am/was a 250lbs bodybuilder.

As if that wasn't enough, she starts to move her hand back and forth over my back a couple times. "Wow, he's big huh?", she goes to my wife, who by now is not capable of holding her laughter and asks:"Would you like to take him back to his room?"

The lady ignored my wife, squeezed my biceps for good measure, winked at me and turned around.

My wife and I laughed so hard on the way back I thought the stitches were gonna pop out. It certainly lightened the moment.

I have always done well with older women but now at 41 I guess it really doesn't mean what it used to :)

Thanks for the comments.

January 12th. Day 6. Surgery.

6 a.m. we arrive at the hospital. My good friend Tony and my oldest bring me and sit with me till I am taken away. My boy tears up a bit and gives me a hug. I tell him not to worry and that I love him and that I am very proud of him.

I thank him for being there with me and I'll see him tonight. My buddy will take him to breakfast and drop him off at school. Friends like that are rare. He is very worried, I can tell. I smile and tell him I will talk to him tonight.

7 a.m.

I.V.time. The nurse sticks this little needle in my right hand and the valves of the vein do not allow the needle to enter. SWEET LORD JESUS, that hurt. Unreal. I nearly faint. I have given blood dozens of times but somehow at that spot I just could not handle it. Not a good way to start. She says that the anesthesiologist will do it later. He does and uses the left hand and I felt nothing. Weird.

Urologist comes by. Big smile. Writes my initials on my left leg to make sure he takes out the right one. We joke a little and I am off to the operating room.

The anesthesiologist knows his craft and I am out like a light before I know it.

Noon: wake up time.
Augh.
Glad to be awake though. Nurses come to my aid, ask me how I am doing. Pretty good. Pain is quite intense. Morphine drip doesn't help. Vicadin doesn't either. I stop bothering them after an hour and want to get ready to go home. I'd rather watch TV there.

I am not allowed to leave till I can handle water and food and till I have urinated (to get the anesthesia out). I am lucky, a few hours later I eat well and go to the bath room. Amazingly it is not that painful to pee. That is a good sign, the nurses say.
My doctor recommends Percocet for the pain and 45 minutes later I've got quite the goofy smile on my face. The combination with morphine has me flying.

4 p.m. my wife and youngest one come pick me up. God Blessed me with my children. Their love can make you survive any kind of hell, that's for sure. Th elittle one helps me get dressed and puts his hand on my back to help me walk. My wife smiles and asks if I need any more help. "No, I got it mom", he says. Laughing hurts, but it was worth it.

Before I leave the nurse comes by to check a final time and of I go. The urologist will call me later to inform me. He was doing another surgery and I do not want to wait any longer. We get some more percocet and off we go.

7 p.m. phonecall.

"Marc, how are you?"
"Pretty good, actually. Nice work, doc. Incision looks good. Nice and thin. Prosthesis looks good too, thanks for that"
"Yep, nice to look symmetrical huh?"

We laugh a little and he tells me that my tumor was 6 centimeter in diameter and one of the largest he has ever removed. He gets a little quiet after that though and I do not feel like asking.

Later, after the bloodwork came back negative for tumor markers, he told me that usually when removing a tumor this size it has spread everywhere in the adjacent area. I was lucky but a CAT scan is needed to figure out if it spread somewhere else. Please come by on Thursday to do the CAT scan.

Will do.

January 10th and 11th. Spent time with my sons.

Day 4 & 5

Spend a lot of time with the kids. My oldest son (14) is very worried and wants to drop me off at the hospital Monday. He asks some good questions and I take the time to answer them all. We go online and look at pictures and get any info we can find. I tell him about Lance Amrstrong who survived it spreading to his lungs and brain. The calmer I am the more he relaxes.

My 6 year old took a little longer to settle down. He is very attached to me, always has been. Since he was born I was the only one who could get him to stop crying or make him feel better. I put him to bed and he wakes up coming to me right away.

"Daddy, you're my best friend and you have pain where your penis is, what can I do?" He says.

It is hard not to laugh and feel a whole heck of a lot better after that. I manage to take him to the YMCA for a few hours and we go swim. Just us 3 boys.

Funny, the pain is gone.

January 9th. Day 4. Talk to my father via Skype

"Hi dad, how are you?"
"Hi son, good to see you, what's going on?"
"I have some bad news, pop. Are you OK to hear it now?"
"Are you sick?"

Damn, he always was perceptive.
"Apparently. I am sorry dad, I have testicular cancer and I need to be operated on in two days, on Monday".

I do not know what was harder, getting the news I had cancer or seeing the tear trickle down my dad's cheek.

"Dad, this is 90% curable, OK. Please do not worry too much. After the operation I will know more. I do not even have to stay overnight and I'll return home that same evening"

"Will the cancer be gone after the operation?"
"I don't know, pa. They took my blood to check for tumor markers in my blood and they need to biopsy the tissue which they cannot do of course, till Monday. I then need a CAT scan to determine of there is more in the area or somewhere else because it can go to the lungs, bone, liver and brain".

"no need to worry about brain cancer" he says.
We have a much needed laugh at that. Good man, my dad.

"How can it spread there though?"
"The testicles are formed under the lungs somewhere before you are born and then they drop. Blood supply is still there though so it can go to those places. I will find out in the next week, I hope".

We talk a little more and I am able to calm him down. I can tell that seeing my face via web cam is helping. I am angry at myself but I am not afraid and he can see it and he is feeding of it. My mom will be a different matter though. But I am going to have to let him deal with her.

January 8th. Day 3. Urologist.

"Marc, tell me what happened. Think as far back as you can remember and leave nothing out"
I tell him everything, including the fact that my internist friend called me a moron. He agrees with a gentle smile.
"We are going to take care of this, OK?"

"We have set up an appointment with the hospital. You need to be there at 6 a.m. Monday morning. I would have loved to operate on you sooner due to the fact you appear to have a very aggressive tumor and I want to take it out of you ASAP"
"What happens after?" I ask.

"We will biopsy the tissue, find out what kind of cancer you have. There are 6. Seminoma and non-seminoma. The first one is the most common and in the latter consists of a group of 5 different cancers which are a bit rare. I will know more after the operation and we can talk more then, OK?"
"Sure"

"Do not worry too much, this is the most curable form of cancer and even though you are older then the men that generally come in here, my best friend got it at 39 and he is perfectly fine. I will take great care of you and losing one testicle will not affect you much.

But we need to move now since this is very aggressive and we need to find out if it spread. Before you leave you need to give blood so we can test you for tumor markers. My nurse will do that. I'll see you Monday and if you have any questions or concerns call my office at any time. Even the weekend".

I nod in shock. Hard to stop the turmoil in my mind.
What am I going to tell my sons? There is no way I am not going to be around for them. I do not care if I lose both my nuts. Damn it.

They wanted to operate on me this Friday. Damn, that aggressive? Jesus, I am going to lose my testicle and might have cancer in other places.
I am glad I have the weekend to recuperate from the news.
What am I going to tell my parents? My boss. Shit, I am such an idiot. Why did I not check this out sooner? I need to be here for my sons.

January 7th. Day 2. Ultrasound.

"Lay down, please"
He gently adds some solution and starts to use his machine.
30 seconds later the expression on his face turns very dark. He cannot help himself apparently.
"Oh, uhm". Long pause.
"I am sorry, it looks like you have a very large mass that has taken over 90% of your left testicle. This is definitely cancer, I am sorry, I am sending you right back to your doctor. Please do not wait"

Back to the internist:
After waiting an hour for the internist to discuss the results I am told that I need to go see an urologist in the adjacent building. He is out today so go first thing tomorrow. They will set up the appointment. Get some rest, stay strong and prepare for an operation in the next few days.

Shoot. Another very long 4 mile drive home.

January 6th. Day 1. Visit with Doctor.

"Hi Marc, why are you here?"
"Continued pain and swelling in my left testicle for two weeks now. Anti biotic and Vicadin do not help. My friend is an internist and he recommend I see you to set up a testicular ultrasound?"

"Alright. Let's take a look"

I drop my pants and unfortunately got to hear from my doctor what I would normally love to hear my wife say.

"Oh, Jesus Christ" (Really, that's what he said).

Crap. I, think. It is not Orchitis.

He grabs me gently by the shoulders (after I put my pants back on, of course) and tells me that he is 90% sure he has bad news for me but only an ultrasound would tell for sure.
He walks me to the nurses' station and stops them all from working.

"Marc needs an ultrasound tomorrow. I do not care if there is room or not. He is going tomorrow".
He turns to me and orders me not to go to work tomorrow and come in and wait for the ultrasound, no matter how long it takes. He'll call my office if need be to tell them I cannot come into work. Stay strong, I will see you tomorrow, he says.

4 mile drive home took a long, long time.

7 days later. January 2nd. Discussion with internist.

"Marc, how are you doing? You have been on the anti biotic and the Vicadin for 7 days now?"
"Pretty good, pain is managed and the swelling has gone from orange size to mandarin size.....ha-ha"

"Marc this nothing to laugh at. The swelling should have been gone completely as should the pain. I know you can handle pain like few others but on a scale of one to ten, where are you at. Let me rephrase that, were would I be at?"

I paused. "It is not Orchitis, huh?"
"NO, how's your pain?"
"It's bad, I am taking 3 Vicadin a day to get through work?"
"YOU ARE WORKING?"

"YOU ARE A MORON, get yourself checked out immediately. What's the matter with you? This is your testicle we are talking about. If I wasn't 150 miles away and half your size I would come and kick your ass. Make the appointment and ask for a testicular ultrasound, do you hear me?"
"Yes, sir, I'll keep you posted"

"Marc, before you go, have you had pain in the past you have not told me about?"
"Yes, about 6 months ago I had pain and swelling for 2 days but I had gotten into the car wrong and hurt them that way and the next day when I was dead lifting I crashed the bar into them. I thought I had simply bruised the area. The pain and swelling went away and there was not hardening or lump after. I checked"

"Any other time?"

Sigh.

"Yeah, three months later it got really bad again and the selling and pain lasted 4 days this time. Advil took care of it though". Hesitation.

"You are holding out on me. This time your testicle was heavier correct?"
"Yes, but there was no pain and I had gotten behind at work and I got the kids to take care of, you know?"

I will spare you the yelling that followed.
"REPEAT THIS TO YOUR DOCTOR AND GET THAT ULTRASOUND". Click.

December 25th, Disneyland. Celebrating the birthday of my six year old.

Both hands full walking away from the car, my wife has the keys and wants to put them in my pocket. I turn my hips so she has room to put the keys in my left pocket. While turning my little boy bumps into me and my wife?s hand holding the keys enters my pocket a little too fast and too hard with the car key hitting my left testicle.

Normally this would cause minimal discomfort, right? Not this time. I keeled over in excruciating pain not even having the ability to catch myself falling to the pavement. It took a minute to be able to breathe and have my vision back. First thing I see of course is the terrified look on my little boy who thought his bumping into me was the reason daddy was crying on the floor.

My wife helps me get up and within minutes the area is has swollen to the size of an orange (yeah, I know) making walking almost impossible. I sat down for a few minutes to steady myself and to stop myself from shaking and fortunately most of the pain subsided within 20 minutes.

Not wanting to spoil anymore of my son?s birthday we continued on our Disney trip and I went into every ride with him he wanted. The one hour drive home at the end of the day seemed like ten.

Upon arriving home the swelling had returned and I called a good friend of mine who is an internist. I explained the situation to him and he thought it sounded like Orchitis. He prescribed me anti-biotic and Vicadin, which I both picked up the next day. He instructed me to call him back every day to let him know how I was doing.

Why I am starting this Blog

I write this only so that other men might not have to go through what I am. I have no desire to draw attention to me. I realize that we have a great many good men (and women) who read blogs on cancer, might feel inclined to leave a response to let me know that they are sorry this happened to me. No need to do that.

Let's make this blog about educating the young and the not so young, both male and female (you might after all, have a boyfriend, husband or male family member who posesses the same stubborn traits as I do).

I want to educate because I acted like the typical guy ignoring any and all signs and figured that toughing it out would make it go away. And of course it didn't.

My life changed dramatically in a 6 day period in the beginning of January and it is my hope that anything I share with you will help.

The following posts contain a day to day account of what happened. It is not a short story but I hope at least some men will read through most so they may glean something from it.

I knew something was wrong as much as 7 months ago (Spring 2008) and shrugged it off.
That same something came back 3-4 months ago and I ignored it again. All the signs were there at this time and I foolishly ignored it again.
It took keeling over in pain on my youngest son's burthday in December 2008 and a friend yelling in my ear to go to the doctor.

Be smart. You sense something wrong? Get to your physician. Immediately.